By Kilian Melloy

From his debut album, Far Away, in 2017, Kyle Motsinger [ https://www.kylemotsinger.com/ ] has been a queer singer-songwriter unafraid to explore and express his authentic self in music that Buzz Music LA Express says “defies categorization.”

That’s as good a brief description as any for Take It Back, Motsinger’s follow-up to his 2020 sophomore album, Any Way I Want It. The new album, Motsinger tells QulturVultr, is the completion of a trilogy. On its 13 tracks he talks about the internal struggles most of us face: Imposter syndrome, anxiety at the state of the world around us, and a yearning to be accepted and celebrated for who we are. All of that can be hard enough in the world at large, but it’s especially challenging in the gay community, particularly when you’re an out musician trying to forge your own style in a market where what succeeds is the familiar. (“I’m sorry I’m not your Billy Joel,” Motsinger sings on one track — a rumination on the requests he got working at a piano bar in Provincetown.)

It’s the wee hours in New York City when Motsinger logs onto our Zoom call. That’s normal for him. “Do you know Marie’s Crisis in New York City?” he asks. “It’s the world’s only sing-along show tunes bar, so everyone gathers around the piano and sings Broadway musicals and Disney and all that sort of stuff.

“I was a theater major,” the singer adds, “so this is using my degree a little bit, too.”

The baker’s dozen setlist that comprises Take It Back kicks off with a dance-floor friendly “Let’s Try This Again,” and peppery, showtune-adjacent numbers crop up along the way to the poignant title-track closer. A self-described “theater queen,” Motsinger imbues the songs with dramatic flair and tuneful lyrics, as in standouts “Sabotage,” “Family,” and “Down Down Down.” He discussed the album’s arc and the journey that brought him here.

QulturVultur: Going into your third album, did you have particular ambitions you had wanted to fulfill and felt that maybe now, with two albums already behind you, you were ready to take them on?

Kyle Motsinger: I felt like this is sort of a natural progression of things. I said to somebody else that I felt like this is the ending part of a trilogy of albums that deal with figuring out who I am, learning things about myself — very much looking inward while also looking outward with the world that we’re in.

QulturVultur: Geeks everywhere are going to love “Dangerously Uncool.”

Kyle Motsinger: The point of the song is that that it really isn’t very dangerous, and it’s really not uncool, it’s actually very cool, to be yourself. Be a weirdo and all of that.

QulturVultur: You wrestle with some heavy stuff on songs like “Down Down Down” and “Bad Years.” There’s a song called “The Imposter,” about imposter syndrome. There’ a lot of internal struggle happening here.

Kyle Motsinger: We were in the middle of a pandemic when the second album dropped, and I didn’t feel like I was where I wanted to be yet. I didn’t know if people were really listening to my music. When it was time to start thinking about the third album I decided to write what I knew at the time, which was a lot of self-doubt, a lot of frustrations. We’re starting at a place of doubt, and then, hopefully, we get to a place of feeling like you’re worth it and what you have to offer is enough.

QulturVultur: The song that starts the album, “Let’s Try This Again,” sounds like classy vintage pop. What is the story behind the song?Kyle Motsinger: I was trying my hand at being a piano bar player. I realized that it wasn’t for me… it wasn’t my strong suit, and I was also a little frustrated because I was in Provincetown doing some piano bar stuff, and they were encouraging me to do my own music, and but the audience just wanted to hear Billy Joel and Bruce Springsteen. That’s where the line “I’m sorry, I’m not your Billy Joel” comes in. But I also wrote this song because I wanted it to be almost a pleading with the audience: “Please just give me another chance. If you didn’t listen to me before, give me a listen now. If you listened before and you didn’t like what you heard, try me again. See if you like me now.” It’s an invitation for you to come on this journey with me. 

QulturVultur: Does being an openly queer artist feel harder now?

Kyle Motsinger: Well, it’s tough, and honestly, I wonder sometimes if part of that has to do with being a gay singer-songwriter. Am I being shadow banned, if that’s even a thing? I’m feeling a mix of sort of defiance, as well as a little bit scared of what’s to come. I worry a lot about not just me, but my trans friends. I still have some fight in me for it, but I’m concerned.

QulturVultur: Tell me about your musical influences, and your musical evolution.

Kyle Motsinger: I’m very influenced by a lot of kinds of music, but I think what I keep returning to is a sort of ’90s alternative. My biggest influences are Tori Amos, and a lot of the girls of the ’90s, as well as Kate Bush, and even rockers. It’s a lot of different styles of music, and I’m also a musical theater queen, so I have that flying around me, too, when I’m thinking about writing.

QulturVultur: I wondered if it was a romantic thought behind “I Can Be Persuaded.”

Kyle Motsinger: It strays a little bit off the off the topic of self-doubt, but I think it is part of the story of where I’ve been the last couple years, of where I’m starting to think I might want to not be alone, but I haven’t gotten there yet. It’s, you know, to be continued.

QulturVultur: An artist’s relationship with the Muse can be thorny. Do you have periods of creative drought where you feel abandoned by the Muse?

Kyle Motsinger: Yeah, for sure. But I also think I’ve sometimes blocked them out. I’ve done it willingly, unfortunately, because sometimes I’ll be like, “No, I’ve got to finish this other thing, so I’m not gonna listen to whatever you’re saying.” I think I’ve done that, unfortunately, and I’m trying not to be that way. Before this album started I was feeling very much writer’s block, and the way I got out of it was to think, “Okay, I’ve got to write what I’m feeling” This frustration,” and then then all those songs sort of came with that.

QulturVultur: I wondered if “Pushy” came from that, and if you really do feel like you’re pressing to try to get people to hear you.

Kyle Motsinger: “Pushy” came from.. I had a friend who [I wanted to see] the music video for my song “Retro” — that was before this album. I posted the video directly to his wall on Facebook, and he messaged me, and he was like, “That’s a little pushy, don’t you think?” And I said, “Well, I don’t,” and this is the thing — I was like, “With the algorithm and everything, I don’t know if you’re going to see that I came out with a music video. I just don’t know if you’ll see this post.” Then he ended up watching the video and said he loved it, and I was like, “See!” 

Someone said to me a long time ago, I think it was another songwriter, “You know, no one is going to love it as much as you will love it. No one will be as excited as you are.” I don’t know that that’s true for everybody, but I do feel like it’s very tough to get everyone to jump on board this ride that I’m inviting you to go on. But I really think people will like it once they get on the ride.

QulturVultur: Do you already have a sense of what your fourth album might be like?

Kyle Motsinger: I feel like I’ve come to a great place. Looking back on three albums, I see the journey now; I see where I came from, where I am. Do I know where I’m going now, exactly? I have been thinking about what you said, lighter romance, and sex, and fun things like that, but something could get in the way of that. I like to document what’s happening, and, you know, depending on what happens in the country and in the world in the next couple years, I might have a lot to say about that, and that might be more important than [singing about] love. I really enjoy love songs, and fun, flirty songs, but some people are really great at writing fun, clubby songs, and I think some people are better suited to diving in and talking about things that are going on. I think I’m more of that category — someone who needs to talk about what I see in front of me and around me.

I just hope people can relate to this album. I always say the album is about an indie singer songwriter and dealing with going from doubt to confidence, but everyone goes through these things. It’s not just a singer-songwriter story, it’s everyone’s story of feeling like they’re not good enough and then realizing they are enough.“

Take It Back” is available now. Follow this link for more information.